Grace

God has been so faithful recently.  To anyone who has been praying for me recently- THANK YOU.  God is working in powerful ways and has given me great opportunities to just talk about him with friends.  I look at the opportunities that He has given me and I just think, "by God's grace." I feel so helpless in so many situations, but God is so powerful and knows what He is doing, it is all God, all by His grace.  God wants to make Himself known to people, and He is definitely doing that.  We had our first nursing Bible study on Monday night and we read from Genesis 1.  We were able to have really good discussion on God's power in creation, it was a lot of fun! Praise God for bringing people to the study and for making Himself known!

Means vs End

Sunday in church we talked about Luke 22.  It talks about when Judas betrayed Jesus.  He believed in Jesus and claimed to be a follower of Jesus, but in the end, he did not really want Jesus.  Our pastor was talking about how often times we can sometimes be like Judas because we want Jesus as our means, and not our end.  We want to use Jesus to get the things that we want but then when it comes down to it, we don’t really want him.  I think of the woman who poured her perfume (which was worth the equivalent of a year’s salary) on Jesus’s feet.  She wanted Jesus.  This did not seem wasteful to her because her end was Jesus himself- her goal in life was to worship Jesus. 

I got to thinking about what I use Jesus for. It scares me that I could be a Judas- do I really want Jesus or do I just want the things that He gives.  For me, I feel like one significant thing in my life that has been incredibly blessed through following Jesus is community.  I don’t feel like I knew what a true friendship was before I started following Jesus… now I feel incredibly blessed and undeserving of the friends that I have.  But this also scares me because what if I am just using Jesus to get friends?  I don’t know, maybe this sounds ridiculous, but maybe someone can relate.  Like what if I was in a different place and felt incredibly alone- would Jesus be enough for me then?  Would I be worshipping him, pouring everything that I owned on his feet?  Or would I be mad that I did not have the community that I felt I deserved for “following him?” 

I didn’t think that I would ever have these doubts, but in the last week I have just really been struggling with this.  There are certain things that I almost feel entitled to, that when they don’t happen I get mad at God.  I have realized that I often look to people, to my friends to fulfill my deep needs that really only God can fulfill. When those needs are not met by friends- then I end up feeling uncared for and just like a mess emotionally.  I am using God as a means, and not as the end.  God, help me.  In the midst of this, I am so easily reminded that Jesus has to be enough.  The things I chase in this world are just not satisfying.  I love my friends and am serious when I say that I am incredibly blessed by them, but so often in the last couple weeks I can be in a room full of people and feel so incredibly lonely.  That’s because I am using Jesus as a means, not the end.  If Jesus were simply my end, then I would not feel lonely around people, because I would be in such deep fellowship and I would feel known by the Creator of the Universe. 

I don’t know if that makes any sense.  But I am so thankful for God’s word and the things He has taught me through it, and I pray that God would be gracious to me because I know that this is such a huge area of my life that I need to grow in, and I am going to need so much grace- praise God that He offers it so freely.

Appointed

The first day of class was yesterday! Sunday night I had a bit of a freak-out moment because I didn't want classes to start... I'm going to miss sweet summer moments like this: playing with ice cream chalk and bubbles with my roommates in "the jungle" (which is what we call our apartment)...

Or hanging out with this girl! Catherine and I have gotten to know each other pretty well since this past winter.  We just have a ton of fun laughing together.  Its so fun to have friends that you can laugh with one second, and then be totally serious with the next- friends that know me and listen to me even when I am being ridiculous.  I'm going to miss summer nights driving around town!

Anyways, school did start, and after I got past my flip-out moment I am actually really excited for the year.  I feel like slowly, with every year of school I get a little bit wiser.  I have so much room to grow, but one thing I am really excited about this year is just "doing ministry" a little bit differently.  The past couple of years, I feel like I have planned and structured my ministry in a way that I thought would be good to bear fruit.  But I feel like the last couple of years were pretty fruitless.  A lot of times I feel like I went through the motions but if I am not doing life in the power of the Holy Spirit- Jesus promises me that my ministry and my life will be fruitless (John 15). 

So, I'm doing things differently.  I want to spend less time planning, and more time being filled.  Instead of spending a couple of hours preparing a Bible study, I want to spend a couple hours being filled myself through God's Word, and then let God himself lead the Bible study.  Instead of planning for the future, I want to embrace the instructions and promises of this passage:


After this the Lord appointed seventy-two^[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. ² He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. ³ Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. ⁴ Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.
⁵ “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ ⁶ If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you. ⁷ Stay there, eating and drinking whatever they give you, for the worker deserves his wages. Do not move around from house to house.
⁸ “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. ⁹ Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ ¹⁰ But when you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ¹¹ ‘Even the dust of your town we wipe from our feet as a warning to you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God has come near.’


I am one who is appointed.  I am appointed to go out, to leave "The Jungle" every day and be an ambassador for Christ.  This year, I am in class with some of my really good friends, and I am in a family who I love deeply.  I am uniquely placed in these positions.  I do not know where I will be a year from now, but that doesn't matter. Right now, today, I am appointed.  I am sent out like a lamb among wolves.  The harvest is plentiful- people are ready to hear about Jesus.  I am a lamb- I have to go in a non-threatening way, I don't need to FORCE anyone to believe.  If  people don't want the gospel, I just shake the dust from my shoes and go on.  I have a partner! Bekah is a friend from class who I get along with really well, and she loves Jesus. Just like Jesus sent out the seventy-two in pairs, I am being "sent" out in a pair with Bekah, what a fun blessing!  My prayer for this year is that, among the nursing class of 2013, Bekah and I would be able to "make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to obey." 

I feel like I could go on and on about this passage, it is just so cool, and I love how I get to apply it to my life right now.  I won't exhaust you with every little thought I have about this passage, but I think the major point that I feel Jesus is telling me in this is that I need to change my attitude.  Change it from one that says I am going to be sent to one who is sent.

Majestic

This weekend I went with a few friends to a Beth Moore conference back in the Quad Cities.  It was super refreshing and I just love the way that she digs into the Word.  She just really has a passion for studying God’s Word, it is so refreshing!  She spoke from the Old Testament, when the Israelites had to rebuild their temple after being in Babylon.  In the beginning of Ezra, the people only had the Arc, not even a foundation and let alone a temple- but they were able to worship. In 2 Chronicles 5 they experienced the same worship but with the extravagance of the Temple.  God sometimes produces the same result (worship) in different ways.  I found that this is super applicable to my life right now.  Sometimes I think that I need to follow the exact path of someone else in order to become like Christ.  In reality, following someone else will cause me to become like that person.  The only way to become like Christ is to follow Christ, and that might look different for every person.  Just like the Israelites- they experienced the same worship through two entirely different means.  We are called to greater works.  Beth Moore said something that really stuck with me, she said that “greater works” are not necessarily “bigger works.”  It could be a deeper work that rivets you for the rest of your life.  Maybe we can’t go big until we go deep.

I was captivated by the majesty of God.  His Word is so beautiful, so perfect, so intricate.  Its beautiful, I wish that I could convey in this short blog post how incredible it is.  We went through several passages in the Old Testament and then bounced over to the New Testament and saw the prophecies fulfilled in the most majestic and awesome ways.  It is so cool to think about the incredible prophecies that have been fulfilled in Jesus and in the church.  It gets me so much more excited too for the fact that what it says in Revelation will one day be reality.  We already know the end.  Worshipping my King Jesus.  Sometimes I need that reminder, that life is going somewhere glorious- I am so selfish, I get so wrapped up in me.  But if I had Revelation in mind, the end in mind, would I live my days differently?  It gets me excited to think that Jesus has invited me to join in on the most epic story of all.  The more I study and learn about the Bible, the more I am convinced that it would EASILY be the best movie ever created.  And I’m pretty sure that all people would be captivated by the story, not just people who have chosen to follow Jesus.

Zerubbabel was from David’s lineage.  He was helping rebuild the temple.  He was discouraged that the building of the temple had stopped for 18 years.  But God had greater plans.  He tells Zerubbabel “Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit” in Zechariah 4:6.  Then, God says he will bring out the capstone, the last and final stone to complete the temple, and people will be saying “Beautiful, beautiful!”  This is because the work, rebuilding the temple seemed impossible to man at this point.  So when the final stone is brought out, people are screaming in praise and awe- like “how did this happen, it’s a miracle!”  This is so cool because it prophesies Jesus being the capstone to the church- and when He comes through the clouds, people will be shouting “Beautiful, beautiful” because we could have never done this on our own.  Now, I compare this to my life.  I look at my past and my future and somehow I doubt that God could make something like the temple in my life.  Could God really use me to make Him glorified?  Could he really use me for greater works than these?  The answer: “not my might, not by power, but by my Spirit.”  Nothing that I can do, but by the SPIRIT- I can do greater works than these.  This really makes me re-evaluate some things.  Whenever I get excited about living for eternity- I start planning, talking with people, reading books.  Those are all things I do in my power.  I think I should start looking to the Spirit, you know, GOD living inside of me. 

Praise God for His Word.  I stand amazed.

Also, praise God for these amazing women and sweet friends that I got to go to the conference with!

Last night I was sitting in a prayer room in Iowa City with a dear friend, Sam.  She and I decided to start blogs.  We will both be graduating in the next year and thought about how cool it would be to keep a record of how God guides us in our lives over the next couple of years.  It is so exciting! This blog could be a way to communicate with people how we are pursuing the Lord, and what He is teaching us.  I came to Iowa City four years ago to start my freshman year at the University of Iowa, and this city has grown on me every year since I have lived here.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to study here- I love learning and it is such a blessing to have an education, I am truly grateful.  I think of all the years that have passed since I moved into Burge Hall freshman year.  I remember crying my eyes out when my mom left, spending weekends studying, football games, learning what a real friendship looks like, waking up early and walking to the hospital for clinicals, themed parties, pranks.  College has been such a huge blessing.  I think the thing that I am most thankful for is that I came to Iowa City with barely any direction, I didn't know who I was, what I was majoring in, what made me happy, what I was passionate about, and where my heart belonged.  Four years later I recognize that I have so much to learn, so many areas to grow in.  But I know my major, I love nursing- the art and science of caring for people.  But more importantly, I know who has all of my heart's affections, I have a purpose, I have experienced deep joy and satisfaction- more than I ever knew possible.  God captured my heart here. I am not sure how, and I don't know why- why would he bother to pursue me so passionately?  I really don't know.  But I am so grateful for the people that God placed in my life to point me to Him.  God is writing the most epic story in all of history, and He pursued me passionately because He had a role for me to play in His story.  That seems so ridiculous to me.  I am the reserved one, the one behind the scenes, I feel like my high school years I went without being noticed.  So why would God want me in His story?  What role could He possibly have for me?

I don't know that answer.  But the intent of this blog is to record how I am pursuing God's purpose for me on this earth.  The best part is, I feel like I finally have some kind of a purpose. Thank God that He found me here and I am so excited to continue walking with Him and experiencing the joy that I know can only be found in Him.  I know myself, I know that I will probably mess up so much.  God is so glorious but I feel like I am often like the Israelites and I tend not to remember God's glory and what He has done.  I am "prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love."  But God is faithful.  2 Timothy 2:13 says "If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself."

As Sam as I sat in a building downtown Iowa City last night (after dancing in a rainstorm), we were talking about what we might title these "blogs."  I was almost getting stressed about it, I wanted a title that would perfectly encompass everything that my life would revolve around in the next several years.  I looked at some of my favorite passages- 2 Corinthians 3 talks about being transformed into God's likeness in a way that reflects more and more of God's glory.  How cool is that?  What an epic promise, who wouldn't want to be more like Jesus, I have seen minimally who God is and even at that limited view I cannot help but see how glorious He is!  Another passage that I love is Philippians 2:5-11.  It talks about Jesus leaving his position in heaven to come to this earth as  a lowly servant.  He was obedient to death.  The humility of Jesus absolutely fascinates me.  Another passage.  I think about the Lord's prayer.  "thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  Heaven is going to be so great, I often wish I could just go there and be with the Lord, be in His presence.  But then I think of how Paul thought that too.  Paul knew that even though he would rather be in heaven- if he was on earth his life was going to be Christ.  In that, he saw God's kingdom coming on earth.  He saw unbelievers believe, people who did not know Jesus began worshipping Jesus.

Anyways, all of these cool passages came to mind as I was brainstorming a title, they have all been significant passages in my life, in teaching me who God is and what His purpose is.  And then I thought of what I have been learning recently.  In the New Testament Jesus calls us to obey.  He doesn't call as to be in a certain "situation" or "position" (1 Corinthians 7: 17-24) but simply to obey despite our situation, "keeping God's commands is what counts."    As I graduate college and decide on "next steps" I do not want it to be following someone else's vision or plan.  I just want to obey Jesus.  He has something so great for my life and I think the more I obey Him, the more faith I will have in Him and the greater ways He will use me to further His kingdom on earth.  I want to fix my eyes on Jesus himself, not a "plan" or a "strategy" to follow Jesus.  Just look at Jesus himself, follow Him, not the plan.  Anyways.  I pray that this blog can be a record of what God is teaching me, a record of people I meet and the wisdom I receive from them, and a record of obedience.  Typing that is so scary to me because I feel like I am so disobedient to the Lord so often, but I pray for obedience in my life. 

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel,

the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your

 heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all

your strength.'  The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

There is no commandment greater than these."