Means vs End

Sunday in church we talked about Luke 22.  It talks about when Judas betrayed Jesus.  He believed in Jesus and claimed to be a follower of Jesus, but in the end, he did not really want Jesus.  Our pastor was talking about how often times we can sometimes be like Judas because we want Jesus as our means, and not our end.  We want to use Jesus to get the things that we want but then when it comes down to it, we don’t really want him.  I think of the woman who poured her perfume (which was worth the equivalent of a year’s salary) on Jesus’s feet.  She wanted Jesus.  This did not seem wasteful to her because her end was Jesus himself- her goal in life was to worship Jesus. 

I got to thinking about what I use Jesus for. It scares me that I could be a Judas- do I really want Jesus or do I just want the things that He gives.  For me, I feel like one significant thing in my life that has been incredibly blessed through following Jesus is community.  I don’t feel like I knew what a true friendship was before I started following Jesus… now I feel incredibly blessed and undeserving of the friends that I have.  But this also scares me because what if I am just using Jesus to get friends?  I don’t know, maybe this sounds ridiculous, but maybe someone can relate.  Like what if I was in a different place and felt incredibly alone- would Jesus be enough for me then?  Would I be worshipping him, pouring everything that I owned on his feet?  Or would I be mad that I did not have the community that I felt I deserved for “following him?” 

I didn’t think that I would ever have these doubts, but in the last week I have just really been struggling with this.  There are certain things that I almost feel entitled to, that when they don’t happen I get mad at God.  I have realized that I often look to people, to my friends to fulfill my deep needs that really only God can fulfill. When those needs are not met by friends- then I end up feeling uncared for and just like a mess emotionally.  I am using God as a means, and not as the end.  God, help me.  In the midst of this, I am so easily reminded that Jesus has to be enough.  The things I chase in this world are just not satisfying.  I love my friends and am serious when I say that I am incredibly blessed by them, but so often in the last couple weeks I can be in a room full of people and feel so incredibly lonely.  That’s because I am using Jesus as a means, not the end.  If Jesus were simply my end, then I would not feel lonely around people, because I would be in such deep fellowship and I would feel known by the Creator of the Universe. 

I don’t know if that makes any sense.  But I am so thankful for God’s word and the things He has taught me through it, and I pray that God would be gracious to me because I know that this is such a huge area of my life that I need to grow in, and I am going to need so much grace- praise God that He offers it so freely.

Appointed

The first day of class was yesterday! Sunday night I had a bit of a freak-out moment because I didn't want classes to start... I'm going to miss sweet summer moments like this: playing with ice cream chalk and bubbles with my roommates in "the jungle" (which is what we call our apartment)...

Or hanging out with this girl! Catherine and I have gotten to know each other pretty well since this past winter.  We just have a ton of fun laughing together.  Its so fun to have friends that you can laugh with one second, and then be totally serious with the next- friends that know me and listen to me even when I am being ridiculous.  I'm going to miss summer nights driving around town!

Anyways, school did start, and after I got past my flip-out moment I am actually really excited for the year.  I feel like slowly, with every year of school I get a little bit wiser.  I have so much room to grow, but one thing I am really excited about this year is just "doing ministry" a little bit differently.  The past couple of years, I feel like I have planned and structured my ministry in a way that I thought would be good to bear fruit.  But I feel like the last couple of years were pretty fruitless.  A lot of times I feel like I went through the motions but if I am not doing life in the power of the Holy Spirit- Jesus promises me that my ministry and my life will be fruitless (John 15). 

So, I'm doing things differently.  I want to spend less time planning, and more time being filled.  Instead of spending a couple of hours preparing a Bible study, I want to spend a couple hours being filled myself through God's Word, and then let God himself lead the Bible study.  Instead of planning for the future, I want to embrace the instructions and promises of this passage:


After this the Lord appointed seventy-two^[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. ² He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. ³ Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. ⁴ Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.
⁵ “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ ⁶ If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you. ⁷ Stay there, eating and drinking whatever they give you, for the worker deserves his wages. Do not move around from house to house.
⁸ “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. ⁹ Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ ¹⁰ But when you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ¹¹ ‘Even the dust of your town we wipe from our feet as a warning to you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God has come near.’


I am one who is appointed.  I am appointed to go out, to leave "The Jungle" every day and be an ambassador for Christ.  This year, I am in class with some of my really good friends, and I am in a family who I love deeply.  I am uniquely placed in these positions.  I do not know where I will be a year from now, but that doesn't matter. Right now, today, I am appointed.  I am sent out like a lamb among wolves.  The harvest is plentiful- people are ready to hear about Jesus.  I am a lamb- I have to go in a non-threatening way, I don't need to FORCE anyone to believe.  If  people don't want the gospel, I just shake the dust from my shoes and go on.  I have a partner! Bekah is a friend from class who I get along with really well, and she loves Jesus. Just like Jesus sent out the seventy-two in pairs, I am being "sent" out in a pair with Bekah, what a fun blessing!  My prayer for this year is that, among the nursing class of 2013, Bekah and I would be able to "make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to obey." 

I feel like I could go on and on about this passage, it is just so cool, and I love how I get to apply it to my life right now.  I won't exhaust you with every little thought I have about this passage, but I think the major point that I feel Jesus is telling me in this is that I need to change my attitude.  Change it from one that says I am going to be sent to one who is sent.